7. Psychopathic turdface

"Mom!" Susy shouted. "MOM!" "Mom, where are you?"

"I'm right here and stop shouting like that unless you're on fire." Mom came around the corner, arms up fixing her hair in place.

Obviously I'm not that important to her, thought Susy. Since she can't even be bothered to let go her hair. Her perfect hair.


"Are you ok, puddin'?" Mom leant down and kissed Susy on the cheek. Squeezy hug and another kiss on the top of her head. "I love you. You scared me, yelling like that. I thought pirates had broken in."

"Or elephants?" Susy smiled up at her mom.
"Or elephants." Her mom agreed.

Another hug, "So what's all the ruckus about?"

Susy remembered her mood. "Because Mother," she huffed, "listen to what Mimi said about me this time."

Mom leaned forward, pulling the book out of Susy's hands. "I've told you before. Stay out of Mimi's room, stay out of Mimi's stuff, and specifically stay out of Mimi's diary."

"If I catch you in here again, I will need to punish you. Now go to your room."

Susy stomped off, making angry sounds as she wandered down the hall. Now she had two legitimate reasons to feel sorry for herself - a sister who hated her and a mother who sided with evil.

6. What to Do About Susy

If only little sisters were trainable, thought Mimi. I could train her to clean my room, wash my clothes and walk the dog. Man, even if I could just train her to stay the BLEEP out of my room! I know she goes in there, snooping around for money or candy, my diary or other incriminating evidence.

Mimi was often waging campaigns to catch the little weasel, but so far to no avail. Susy was like a professional spy - never caught and always covers her tracks. But Mimi knew. She knew that little turd was in there. Once again, Mimi determined to catch Susy and then demand the death penalty. Ok, so mom and dad probably wouldn't go along with that, but with proof she could demand some sort of punishment.

Once again, Mimi devised a plan. She would leave a hair across her diary and if it was disturbed when she returned, then that would prove it! Mom and Dad would be forced to acknowledge that their little darling is a psychopath. A psychopathic turd. A diary-reading, clothes-stealing psychopathic turdface.